I didn't realize anger might be something I've been missing. I've been running away from anger all my life and I love this perspective on it. Thank you for sharing!
A very generous piece of writing, thank you. Someone once told me that the root/cause of anger is hurt, and that view has helped me start understanding anger through a lens of empathy rather than shame. It’s been a freeing shift that’s opened up a lot of growth in understanding that side of myself.
Like you I spent my childhood trying not to be angry. I found the only way was to alchemize anger into sadness. Rather than being angry at a person/at circumstance/at an institution I would just be sad that my life wasn't working out the way I wanted it to. So really I spent most of my childhood being sad. It was a weird form of self sacrifice, I don't even know who it was for. I just didn't want to be another man with anger issues.
In recent years I've gotten much more comfortable with anger, with giving people sharp elbows, with making things uncomfortable for other people. I get sad a lot less now, and I don't feel like I'm choking out a part of myself. It works for me.
i usually see anger as an unpleasant acquaintance, someone who on rare occasions must be approached, but always with great reluctance. reading this, however, made me think that it can also be a catalyst for change. lovely piece!
This is so beautifully written and touched me to my core.
Whenever I felt angry, I would feel so ashamed and awful afterwards. But I could never quite understand whether I felt bad for expressing anger toward someone — or toward myself, for not understanding or allowing myself to feel it in the first place.
I have clear boundaries when it comes to anger: it never goes beyond being a feeling in response to someone’s actions. It's really about me protecting my boundaries — and then suppressing that reaction simply because it came out as anger. It feels like a double-edged sword.
Reading your article helped me understand this more clearly. Thank you! ❤️
I have lived a similar journey and am just starting to understand anger. Like Karthik commented I converted anger to sadness which is self inflicted pain. The insightful way you have broken it down is so important. Anger that is not analyzed and purely acted upon without any love and compassion is violence. Anger is a signal to be explored, not ignored, and then, and only then, acted upon to express your need with compassion and love. Thank you!
Another wonderful post, Shani. Your central insight - that anger reveals what we care about and is actually a necessary ingredient of caring - is thought provoking. I had never considered anger in that way before, but on reflection, you are clearly correct. Like so many other things in life, there is good with the bad, but revealing the good might take some conscious effort and focus (self-awareness?). Thank you for sharing your observation. I'm so glad I found your account and that you continue to write.
Insightful. But anger by definition is an emotion easy to slip out of control. How to be angry without becoming angry? .. Don't know... I know one thing for certain though, because I have experienced it time and again: anger begets anger in response. And it is an utterly ugly experience. I will need more time to digest your take on anger. Thanks for writing!
I didn't realize anger might be something I've been missing. I've been running away from anger all my life and I love this perspective on it. Thank you for sharing!
this is one of the best posts i've read on substack, i'm glad i discovered your account!
This will help someone I care about, and me as well. Thank you for putting it out into the world ❤️
i'm so glad you found it. thank you for telling me
I'm angry that I haven't published in months, even though I want more collaborators!
i am excited for what you will do with this anger
A very generous piece of writing, thank you. Someone once told me that the root/cause of anger is hurt, and that view has helped me start understanding anger through a lens of empathy rather than shame. It’s been a freeing shift that’s opened up a lot of growth in understanding that side of myself.
Like you I spent my childhood trying not to be angry. I found the only way was to alchemize anger into sadness. Rather than being angry at a person/at circumstance/at an institution I would just be sad that my life wasn't working out the way I wanted it to. So really I spent most of my childhood being sad. It was a weird form of self sacrifice, I don't even know who it was for. I just didn't want to be another man with anger issues.
In recent years I've gotten much more comfortable with anger, with giving people sharp elbows, with making things uncomfortable for other people. I get sad a lot less now, and I don't feel like I'm choking out a part of myself. It works for me.
i usually see anger as an unpleasant acquaintance, someone who on rare occasions must be approached, but always with great reluctance. reading this, however, made me think that it can also be a catalyst for change. lovely piece!
thanks audrey ❤️
This is so beautifully written and touched me to my core.
Whenever I felt angry, I would feel so ashamed and awful afterwards. But I could never quite understand whether I felt bad for expressing anger toward someone — or toward myself, for not understanding or allowing myself to feel it in the first place.
I have clear boundaries when it comes to anger: it never goes beyond being a feeling in response to someone’s actions. It's really about me protecting my boundaries — and then suppressing that reaction simply because it came out as anger. It feels like a double-edged sword.
Reading your article helped me understand this more clearly. Thank you! ❤️
I have lived a similar journey and am just starting to understand anger. Like Karthik commented I converted anger to sadness which is self inflicted pain. The insightful way you have broken it down is so important. Anger that is not analyzed and purely acted upon without any love and compassion is violence. Anger is a signal to be explored, not ignored, and then, and only then, acted upon to express your need with compassion and love. Thank you!
You just described me. How beautifully put. Brought tears to my eyes and made my understanding of anger so much less scary. Thank you xx
Your writing puts me in touch with something I've been avoiding in myself, not anger, just immediate perception. Please keep sharing your gift 🙏
Another wonderful post, Shani. Your central insight - that anger reveals what we care about and is actually a necessary ingredient of caring - is thought provoking. I had never considered anger in that way before, but on reflection, you are clearly correct. Like so many other things in life, there is good with the bad, but revealing the good might take some conscious effort and focus (self-awareness?). Thank you for sharing your observation. I'm so glad I found your account and that you continue to write.
Insightful. But anger by definition is an emotion easy to slip out of control. How to be angry without becoming angry? .. Don't know... I know one thing for certain though, because I have experienced it time and again: anger begets anger in response. And it is an utterly ugly experience. I will need more time to digest your take on anger. Thanks for writing!
I really appreciate this 3-part story. I think many people will be able to relate to the way you've broken it down. I sure do.